


now or never

by jessmariana



Category: Ed Edd n Eddy
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Denial of Feelings, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining, Road Trips, Romantic Fluff, it's basically a teotfw au without the murder, marie is angry and edd is anxious, maybe some minor violence, they're very soft with each other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2020-01-09
Packaged: 2020-10-11 09:16:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20543735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessmariana/pseuds/jessmariana
Summary: It's Marie's birthday, but she can't help feeling like something's missing.Years after she apologized to Double D for tormenting him, they've managed to build a sort of friendship as schoolmates. But when Marie is left wondering why her father hasn't communicated with her beyond the annual birthday card, Double D finds himself accompanying her to find answers. Or rather, he volunteers to help her, for reasons he's not exactly ready to admit.





	1. it can't wait.

**Author's Note:**

> This first chapter is essentially a flashback, but it's incredibly important to the future of the story.

** _Autumn, Eighth grade._ **

** _Marie’s POV._ **

Marie stood on the doorstep of Double D’s house. Her eyes were fixed on the front door, but she made no indication that she meant to move. She fumbled with the hem of her jacket. _ Maybe I should do this some other time. It can wait. Right? _

She rolled her eyes inwardly. _ Of course it can’t wait. You’ve been meaning to do this for weeks, stupid. It’s now or never. _

Marie took a deep breath, raised her fist, and knocked three times, loudly and precisely, so she wouldn’t go unheard and have to knock again, if her courage didn’t fail her first. With each knock, the butterflies in her stomach fluttered higher.

The cold air was beginning to get to her. The air was light and crisp, the color in the woods between the trailer park and cul-de-sac vibrant with oranges and yellows. Her black sweater and jean jacket combo barely kept her warm enough to not shake from the cold. She could see her breath fading into nothing in front of her.

Marie almost jumped when the front door began to open. She knew no parent of the cul-de-sac would be excited to be greeted by a Kanker at their front door, so she spoke quickly, not wanting to be turned away.

“Good morning, I was just-“ she cut herself off when she realized who had answered the door.

Double D wore a sweater in a dark orange color, paired with dark jeans and his usual black with a white stripe hat. He looked like he would faint when he spotted her.

“K- K- Kan-“

“Double D, wait,” she said, raising her hands slightly, stepping backwards. That seemed to calm him a little, or maybe confuse him, though he still looked ready to slam the door shut if need be. “I’m not gonna jump you. I just want to say something.”

“S-say something?”

“Yeah,” Marie assured him. She searched for the words now. The ones she’d been trying to find for weeks now. The ones that never sounded quite right or sincere enough but needed to be said more than anything. “I want to say... I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything, for jumping you and kissing you and never leaving you alone no matter how much you asked me to. I knew you didn’t like it, I just thought maybe one day you might, but that wasn’t cool. I think maybe I thought if my sisters were doing it, then it was okay if I did. But I think that was what we all thought. Anyway, I know it’s not their fault, even if they did it too. I’m my own person. I should’ve stopped harassing you and all that a long time ago. Hell, I wish I could take it all back, but I know I can’t. I just know I was wrong, and I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. And I won’t do it anymore.”

Marie had spoken quickly, needing to get the words out. Her cheeks were warm but the butterflies had subsided ever so slightly. She fumbled with her jacket again while she waited for the sock-hatted boy to say something.

As she spoke, Double D had gaped at her, seeming shocked at the revelation of her purpose for being there. His features grew softer, as he blinked and the realization of her good intentions became clear. After a moment, he gulped, looked at the ground and then back at her. The words came out softer than his expression.

“Thank you, Marie.”

The moment he looked back at her she knew, that no matter how much she regretted her actions from over the last few years, she would never be able to wipe that expression—or this crush—from her mind. With that, she nodded, spun around, and took off down the sidewalk back toward her home, ready to miss him and hoping it would be even slightly possible to get over him.

* * *

** _Double D’s POV._ **

She’d said she was sorry.

After years of torment, of disregarding his discomfort and refusing to back down from mentally and physically torturing him, Marie Kanker had apologized. Not just that. She’d apologized and promised never to do any of it again.

Double D could hardly believe it. He’d half expected the apology to be a trick, although he had indeed noticed Marie hadn’t been as active in her pursuit of him for a few months. And she’d sounded so sincere just now.

He had hoped that one day the Kanker sisters would grow out of the phase in which they enjoyed harassing him and his friends. He scarce dared to imagine it would be so soon, but there Marie had been moments ago, standing at his door in the cold Autumn chill, showing him what was possible.

Double D walked over to the living room window. He pulled the curtain aside and peered out toward the cul-de-sac. He spotted Marie, running between a couple of the houses. She was headed home, and quickly.

“Eddward, who was at the door?”

Double D turned around, dropping the curtain. _ I can’t tell my mother it was a _ girl _ ... _

“Oh, j-just Eddy, Mother,” he stuttered. “He w-wanted to see if I was up for going to the playground. I told him I’d meet him after breakfast.”

“Very well, dear. Come along then,” she said, turning to head back into the kitchen. Double D glanced once more at the window before following his mother and the strong scent of bacon.


	2. stuck together.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marie recalls a memory and receives a small surprise.

** _Spring, Eleventh Grade._ **

** _Marie’s POV._ **

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARIE!!!”

Marie woke with a start. She felt something bouncing on the bed and it took her about 1.8 seconds to realize that her sisters were jumping all over it. They whooped and hollered while Marie flailed. When she grabbed for a pillow and wacked at their legs, Lee and May took that as their signal that it was time to jump on top of Marie. The middle sister let out one last yelp as they landed, the weight almost enough to knock the wind out of her.

“Happy birthday, Marie!” Lee laughed.

“So! How does it feel to be 17?” May asked, leaning her chin on one hand.

“Dandy,” Marie groaned. “Now get off!”

Lee and May scooted off their sister. The pair of alarm clocks wore matching grins while Marie sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes. Despite not being early birds, the sisters did this for every one of their birthdays. It was a Kanker tradition of sorts, a way to mark the day as being different from every other day… of being special.

Well, as special as tackling a sibling on their birthday _ can _ be. At least that was as much physical harm as they had long ago promised to do when one of their birthdays came around.

“So Marie, what’ll it be today? Pancakes, eggs, sausage?”

“Yes, yes, and yes.”

“Hungry are ya?” Lee raised a brow. “Alrighty then,” she sighed, sauntering out of the bedroom.

“And don’t forget coffee!” Marie turned to May. “Is mom gone already?”

“She just left. Didn't wanna be late. Told us to tell ya happy birthday, so we did it the ole Kanker way.” May moved to the dresser and thought a moment before pulling out something to wear. “She’s gonna get outta work early so she can be home for dinner. Now get up!” May blurted. “Don’t wanna look like ya rushed to get ready when ya should be lookin’ your best.”

With that, the youngest Kanker left the room, closing the door behind her. Marie reached for her iPod. She chose her “Wake Up!” playlist and heard something by The Cure start up.

She walked to the same dresser that May had and opened a drawer. She honestly didn’t care much if she looked any different from any other day or not. _ Well, for the most part. _ Not that it mattered, since most of her clothes were pretty similar anyway. She had a bunch of band tees and tank tops, cargo pants and ripped jeans, a couple of skirts for special occasions.

After some consideration, Marie chose a black crop top and a green plaid skirt, as well as fishnet tights and a pair of black boots.

When she’d finished getting ready, Marie had on fresh mascara and eyeliner. She tied her blue hair in a half-up, half-down style, but was sure to leave her bangs down, which mostly covered the right side of her face. Lastly, she grabbed her oversized green denim jacket from the closet to complete the look.

“Breakfast!”

* * *

The day had been pretty normal so far. Aside from a few people, most didn’t know it was her birthday, so Marie hadn’t had to be very social, and all the excitement over it being the Friday before Spring Break meant the day might continue like that.

When Marie walked into history class, she saw that he hadn’t arrived yet. Strange, since he usually tried to be extra early to his classes. She walked over to her spot in the front of the classroom. As she slid into her seat, she heard a voice call her name from behind. Marie turned, spotting a smiling Nazz a couple desks back.

There was once a time that the girls would have hardly acknowledged each other, but after they were forced to be partners on a project in their freshman history class, during which they realized there were several things they had in common—taste in music, a mutual love of lipstick, their secret desires to be superheroes—well, there was no going back. Marie considered her a friend. She had even been able to get over that one incident at the dance in which Nazz and Double D had… well, she at least ignored it, pushing it to the back of her mind whenever the memory threatened to ruin one of the only friendships Marie had.

“Hey, Marie! It’s your birthday right?”

“Yeah,” Marie brightened.

“Happy birthday, dude! You doing anything special?”

“Uh yeah, I’ve got plans with my mom and sisters tonight.”

“Rad! Well, I hope you have a good birthday, but in case you’re down, I’m having a party at my house tonight to kick off Spring Break, and the door is totally open to you and your sisters if you guys wanna come.”

“Thanks, Nazz. Maybe we’ll stop by.” Marie wasn’t sure if her mom would be thrilled about them going out after getting out of work early to spend the night celebrating, but she was still grateful for the invitation.

“No biggie,” Nazz smiled. “I hope you can make it!”

When Marie turned back to the front of the classroom, she saw him walk in right as the bell rang.

Double D quickly slid into the seat beside her, blurting, “I made it.”

There was a time when an Ed sitting next to a Kanker on _ purpose _ would’ve been the sign of the apocalypse, but over the last couple years, she and Double D had formed a sort of acquaintance. She might’ve called it a friendship if they hung out outside of school, but it seemed that where she was afraid to ruin what they had now, he seemed unwilling to expand on the time they spend together. It was that, or he was still somehow afraid of her. In any case, they had been friendly since being placed in the same P.E. class the previous year.

Before then, Marie had done what she could to give him his space. She knew that after years of basically stalking him, he could probably use it. Her sisters continued their pursuits for some time, however, but where Lee’s harassment became jests at Eddy’s height and dumb antics and lacked any of the previous lovey-dovey longing, May’s feelings for Ed grew. Observing how Marie had backed off Double D, she tried to become more easy-going in hopes that Ed would stop running from her. Long story short, it worked. At least, they were definitely friends now. With everything the two had in common, it was easy to see how they could be. They loved weird movies, read the same comics, and got the same kick out of a good fart joke. It was sweet to see how happy May was whenever she returned from seeing the guy.

Since May and Ed had started hanging out, Marie had seen Double D here and there, but never had the courage to reach out the way that May had. When they ended up in the same P.E. class, she had planned on continuing that pattern until one day she heard laughing and saw red. A few boys were making fun of him for not being able to kick a soccer ball. They’d urged him to try again and laughed even harder when he slipped and fell onto his back after only managing to kick it a couple yards. That was when Marie charged. She kicked at the ball Double D had been using, aiming it at one of the boys around him. It hit the guy’s back and knocked him forward. Marie continued charging toward them and pushed the guy nearest to her. “Back off him,” she growled. When one of them made a jab at Double D needing his girlfriend to help him, she punched the guy in the jaw. When she offered Double D her hand to help him up, it took him a moment to stop staring at her. He shook his head and reached for her hand, letting her pull him to his feet. He didn’t let go right away, either. She remembered that vividly.

Regardless of why she’d started a fight, she’d started one—she tried to argue that it wasn’t her who had started it, but the gym teacher didn’t seem to care—and she got detention for it. She didn’t regret it, though. After that, Double D had pulled her aside in the hallway after class to thank her for defending him. “Though I don’t usually condone physical violence, I appreciate what you did.”

“No problem, Double D. I wasn’t gonna let those assholes get away with all that stuff. You don’t deserve it.”

She saw something soft in his eyes, and he nodded. “T-thank you, Marie. I only wish you didn’t have to suffer through detention for simply defending me.”

She smiled, a genuine thing that made him raise his eyebrows at her. “It’s worth it.” She punched his shoulder softly, her smile turning into something sly. “See ya later, Oven Mitt.”

“See you later, Marie,” he answered, watching her go.

After that, they stuck together in P.E. class, just in case those guys tried to pull something again or because Double D actually enjoyed her company. Marie wasn’t sure which, but she welcomed the change. For the first time, they were able to have normal conversations. It was awkward at first, but they found a rhythm. He even laughed at her jokes when she made them.

This year, they found themselves sharing history class together. While normally Marie would’ve chosen to sit toward the back of the classroom, she couldn’t resist sitting in the front row beside Double D when she walked into class on that first day. And he’d smiled his sweet, gap-toothed grin at her, seeming glad that she did. Though the seats in this class weren’t assigned, this is where they stayed.

She giggled at his near-tardy. “Dang, Double D. Cutting it close today, aren’t we?”

“Not on purpose, I assure you,” he said, reaching into his backpack. “Eddy attempted to force me to listen to his plans for getting his teacher to forget about their English paper she means to assign.” While he spoke, he pulled out a notebook and pencil case. "I wasn't interested." He drew a pointed #2 pencil from the case and opened the notebook to the first blank page. The teacher hadn’t even looked up from his papers yet. When Double D realized this, he sat back and looked at Marie. “Happy birthday, by the way,” he grinned.

“You remembered.”

“Of course. So, how has this day treated you thus far? Well, I hope.”

“It’s been okay,” she shrugged.

“Just okay?” He knitted his eyebrows together. _ Damn, he’s cute when he worries. _

“Don’t worry about me. I got big plans tonight.”

He nodded, holding her gaze. “Right. Of course. Good.”

He broke his eyes away from hers only when they heard their teacher suddenly grumble from the front of the room, “Alright, class. Let’s get started.”

* * *

After the lesson, Double D spoke first.

“What plans?”

“Hm?”

“You said you had plans tonight. For your birthday.” He began gathering his things. “How do you, um, plan to celebrate?”

“Oh, I’m spending the night with my mom and my sisters. The menu is Japanese food and a horror movie, if they know what’s good for them,” she smiled slyly.

“Ah, of course. I recall your love for sushi knows no bounds,” he giggled.

“Indeed,” she smirked, recalling a discussion they once had about their favorite foods. Closing her bag, she stood to go. “Well, I’ll see you later, Oven Mitt.”

“Just a moment, Marie.” He stood from his seat, swinging his backpack onto his shoulder. He had something in his hand, which he held out to her. A card.

“H-happy birthday, again,” he stammered. He was avoiding her eyes.

Marie reached out to take it. The envelope was blue and her name was written in a neat, cursive style on the back. She looked up at him, a smile appearing on her lips. “Oh. Thank you,” she replied warmly.

He met her eyes then, smiling shyly. “Right, well, I’m sure I’ll see you over the break.”

“I’m sure you will.”_ Is that all? _

“Right. Well, I should be going. Goodbye, Marie.”

She sighed inwardly. “Goodbye, Double D.”

She watched as he left the classroom. He wore a brown knit cap now, having grown out of the sock cap he used to wear. She thought this new one suited him more.

When he’d gone, Marie glanced down at the card, silently deciding to open it at home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon Marie as an Aries and Double D as a Virgo. It explains so much. Also, while I don't disagree with the idea that Marie and Nazz would have a hard time getting along (especially in canon), I wanted to give a nicer take on their relationship. I feel like they have a lot in common and I wanted to do something with them I haven't really seen much of in fics. Anyway, let me know what you guys think! I can't wait to delve into the more emotional bits of this story.


	3. things we don’t say aloud (but write in cards).

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Double D contemplates his feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo it took me awhile to update this. My excuses include being burnt out and unsure of how to write this chapter. But I hope I did it justice.

“Hey man, where’s your head?” Eddy snapped in front of him. Literally. He held his fingers out in front of Double D’s face, attempting to get his attention. Double D shook himself from his daydreaming.

“Sorry, Eddy. My mind drifted somewhere else for a moment,” he said, scratching the back of his neck.

“Guess I can’t blame ya. I can’t wait to get out of this dump. Speaking of which, hurry up. We’ve got places to be.” Eddy crossed his arms as he leaned against the lockers.

“School is not a dump, Eddy,” Double D sighed. He placed the last book into his backpack and closed his locker. “Where do we have to be? Weren’t you just complaining about your need for freedom?”

Eddy rolled his eyes. “The big party that Nazz is throwing to kick off Spring Break, of course! Everyone who’s anybody will be there.”

“Uh-huh.” The Eds made their way out of the school. The sun shone down with nary a cloud in the sky to block its rays. “Well, Eddy, that sounds like a great way to spend the evening so long as you promise not to inebriate yourself this time.“ Double D recalled the last party they attended. Kevin has thrown a New Year’s Eve party which Eddy had been determined to have a midnight kiss for, only to end up spending the early morning hours getting drunk when his plan had fallen through. He’d felt for his friend then, but as the night went on, Eddy’s behavior only served to make Double D feel like a frustrated babysitter.

“I ain’t spending the whole night sober, Sockhead.”

“I’m not telling you to stay sober, Eddy. Simply to make better choices. I didn’t appreciate having to drag you home after the  party ended and we were  _told_ to leave.”

Eddy waved his arms. “Alright, alright, Double D, I hear ya. I won’t get wasted tonight. Anyway, I didn’t plan on it.”

Eddy went on to explain the “charm” he intended to put on a few girls who were supposed to show up. Becca from history, Hannah from english, etc, etc. Ed showed some enthusiasm for Eddy’s plans, but Double D felt his mind wander again.

He wondered if Marie had opened his card yet. He shouldn’t have felt so nervous. It’s not like he’d confessed any secrets or made any grand declarations in it. Right?

He shook his head, not thinking of whether his friends might see him do it. _No._ It was just a birthday card. For his friend. Marie Kanker.

If only it felt that simple.

Lately, his feelings had become... complicated. When they were younger, he’d appreciated certain things about her from a distance, but none of those things mattered as long as she chose to harass him into being romantic with her. After she stopped trying to force him into being her boyfriend, he didn’t see her as much outside of school. They shared a few classes here and there, but she tended to keep her distance, until that day in P.E. class when she’d defended him. He’d seen her angry before, seen her ready to tear off a head or two to get what she wanted, but it had been years since he’d seen an outburst from Marie. He remembered feeling helpless when he went down, hearing the uproar of laughter around him. She’d charged steadfast toward them, seething in a way that made him worry if he, too, should be scared.

Of course, he hadn’t any need to be then, and hadn’t since. She’d protected him, after all. He decided if she was willing to get detention for it, he should try to get to know her for real. He already knew she was smart, and bold, and that her temper could flare up easily when provoked. That day, she said she had stood up for him because “he didn’t deserve” the bullying from their classmates, so she had an upright moral compass. But he already knew that, didn’t he? She had, after all, promised to stop her own harassment of him long prior. He’d considered that maybe she still cared for him, but she hadn’t said as much, so he tried not to think about it. Still, he wondered more and more what she thought of him now that they were older. Had her feelings dissipated? Did she consider him a friend? If so, why hadn’t they hung out anywhere besides school? His thoughts floated back to the card he’d given her.

“Double Deeeeee,” he distantly heard Ed say in a song-song voice.

“Huh?”

“Man, where is your head today?” Eddy asked. “We’ve said your name like 10 times already.”

They were already at the cul-de-sac. Double D glanced toward his friends.

“Double D is in la la land, Eddy,” Ed said.

“Sorry, guys. What were you saying?”

“I was saying: Let’s meet at my house before the party tonight. 6:00 pm, sharp. Dress to impress.”

With that, Eddy motioned finger guns at Ed and Double D, turning to walk toward his house.

“See ya later, Double D.” Ed began to walk down the sidewalk toward his own home.

“You as well, Ed,” he replied.

* * *

While they waited for their mom to bring home dinner, Lee, Marie, and May sat on the sofa watching TV. Well, sort of. May’s nose was buried in a comic book and Lee had her nose in her phone. Marie buzzed knowing that she had a card from Double D in her pocket. She just needed a moment to casually sneak away to read it away from the trailer. A commercial break came on and she thought then would be as good a time as any.

“I’ll be right back,” she said, getting up. “Spot check.”

Lee scoffed. “Like I’d trade the armchair.”

Letting the trailer door fly shut behind her, Marie walked through the trailer park. When she reached the edge of the forest, she sat down on an old log. She slid the envelope out from of her jacket pocket and ran her thumb over the ink spelling her name. Heart beating loud enough for all the trailer park to hear, she turned the envelope over and ripped it open.

Marie pulled out a white card, simple, with the words “happy birthday” printed on the front, just above a small painting of three balloons tied together. When she opened it, the inside was not so simple, as it was covered in a handwritten message. She felt her heart leap.

_Marie,_

_Happy birthday! I genuinely hope you have a nice day celebrating. It’s strange to reflect on how much has changed between us in the last few years, but I’m entirely grateful for the opportunity we’ve had to start over. Since that fateful day in P.E. class, I’ve appreciated getting to know you for real. You’re smart, creative, and ever-interesting to me. You seem so unafraid of the world. I admire that about you._

_I would like to see you outside of school sometime. If that’s alright with you, of course. Maybe sometime this week? You know where I live. I’m sure my friends can survive one day without me._

_As I was saying, you’re a lovely person, Marie. Happy birthday._

_\- Double D_

By the time Marie had finished reading, her heart was doing somersaults. She was grinning girlishly. She almost had to remind herself to breathe. It was all too much.

She was also grateful for their restart. Before last year, she had missed him so much. She adored all his quirks and his dry sarcasm and his smile. It was hard to deal with the idea that she might not get to even talk to him again.

She sighed with a mix of relief and joy. No need to worry about  _that_ anymore.

He wanted to hang out with her. Outside of school. This week. The idea made her pause, butterflies rising. What would they do? What would they talk about? What would she wear? The nerves started to eat at her.

She took a moment to compose herself. That wasn’t all he had written. She grazed her thumb over his handwriting.  He called her smart and creative and interesting and lovely. Lovely!  He even said he admired her for seeming so unafraid. _If he could read my mind when I’m around him, he’d know the truth about that, _she blushed. The compliment still held some weight. He’d been paying attention to her.

She could’ve stayed out there another hour, thinking of him and what might happen in the coming week and beyond, but she knew her sisters would be wondering by now what she was up to and she wasn’t ready to share this with them yet.

Right as Marie began to gather herself, headlights came around the corner and beamed straight at her. She stuffed the card into back into her pocket and walked over. A moment later, her mom opened the driver’s door and jumped out of the driver’s seat.

“There’s my birthday girl!” Mrs. Kanker beamed as she swept up Marie in a hug.


	4. begging to not be left behind.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marie’s happiness is overshadowed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this one is kind of sad! Edd might just show up for Marie in the next chapter.

“So how was school today, girls?” Mama Kanker asked as she passed out the bento boxes.

Molly Kanker had her long blonde hair tied up in a bun. She still wore her gray hotel maid uniform. She was too lazy after getting home from her shift to change right away, so she had slipped on a big red sweater over the uniform so she wouldn’t accidentally stain it during dinner.

Of all her daughters, May resembled their mom the most. However, one look at Molly and you’d know where each of her daughters had inherited their freckles. Molly’s face was covered in them. Aside from a few age lines, Molly looked almost the same as she did in photos taken of her in high school.

The Kankers were settling around a small table in the kitchen. The sisters all at once uttered a quick “usual” as they began to dig into their food.

“Mmm,” May grinned. She had practically inhaled a spoonful of miso soup.

“Uh-uh,” Molly said. She tilted her head, raising her brows at each of the girls. “I don’t think so. You’re gonna tell me all about your day and don’t leave out any good _or bad_ details.”

Marie lowered chopsticks holding a California roll. “It was okay. Kind of a normal day. Oh wait, I got 100% on my painting of May! That part was rad. I thought maybe I could’ve put more detail into her hair but the rougher texture looked alright, I guess.”

Molly beamed. ”Oh, that’s wonderful, honey! You’ll have to show me the finished product after dinner.”

“Yeah, for sure!”

”It takes a work of art to be a model for a work of art,” May added.

“Did anyone at school wish you happy birthday?” Molly asked.

“I think most people didn’t know it was my birthday, so not really.”

“I’ll never understand you,” Lee started. “It’s the one day people have to pay their respects to you, and you pass it up.”

“I’m not  _dead__,_ Lee.”

“You’re damn right you’re not! Let ‘em know, that’s all I’m saying!” 

“It’s fine if Marie doesn’t wanna make a fuss, hun,” Mama Kanker interrupted. “But some people knew, right?”

Marie faltered for a moment.

“Uhh, yeah. Nazz—from the cul-de-sac—she did. She wished me a happy birthday and she invited us to a Spring Break kick off party thing at her house that’s happening tonight.”

“Well, that’s nice! I like that girl. A little grittier than her mom was growing up.”

Molly had grown up in Peach Creek. The story was that she had moved away to live with her grandparents when she got pregnant with Lee. Butch definitely wasn’t ready to be a father when he was 16, and that seemed to be permanent. Right before she had Lee, she met Bubba at his job in this pizza place. A little while later, Molly ended up pregnant with baby #2. Bubba might’ve been the one, but his parents didn’t think so and sent him to live with his own grandparents. Marie ended up with the backbone of a Kanker, thank goodness. In her despair, Molly started to party. _Hard._ And May showed up not long after that. Mr. and Mrs. Kanker still lived in Peach Creek, but instead of going back under her parent’s roof when she decided it was time to leave the grandparent’s nest, Molly moved her family into the trailer. It wasn’t much, but it was theirs. And Molly didn’t take shit from anyone who had anything to say about it, either. She had been knocked down a few times and then some, but she never let anyone stop her from doing what she wanted.

After moving to Peach Creek, Marie asked her mom why she didn’t seem scared of what her old classmates—many of which were the parents of her own classmates—thought of her. Molly had looked her straight in the eye and said, “Because it’s hard to feel intimidated by the people you saw crying for their mommies in kindergarten. Those parts of ourselves never really go away. We’re all scared and secretly crying for our mommies and begging to not be left behind. We’re equals.  _And__,”_ she smiled, “I can fight better than most of those girls I grew up with, and they know it too.”

“This is so  good ,” May moaned into her food. She had scarfed down half her plate.

“Remember to swallow, baby,” Molly laughed. They ate in silence for a minute before Mama Kanker spoke up again.

“How about that one boy? The really smart one. Did he say something to you?”

Marie’s stomach tightened. She swallowed the food in her mouth slowly. She couldn’t just assume she already knew who her mom was referring to. But she did know.

“Uh, Double D?”

“That’s the one.”

“Yeah. Yeah, he did.”

“Oh?” Her mom’s brows raised high, faint fake surprise echoing in her voice. “Did you tell him or did he know already?”

“He remembered... he uh, asked what my plans were. That‘s about it.” Marie wanted to tell them about the card. She wanted—needed—input, but there was the chance that he didn’t want any more than a friendship and she knew it would be stupid to let them get her hopes up. She was going to hope for the best on her own, and if something else happened that convinced her he had started to feel the same, then she’d tell them all about the card and whatever happened next. But they already knew some things, like the reason she had gotten detention in P.E. class, and that she and Double D had been on speaking-terms since. Plus, there was their whole history pre-apology. Not that Mama Kanker approved of how they’d behaved back then. She hadn’t even known. Mom always having to work had given the Kanker sisters a lot of freedom, and it had bitten them on the ass when she found out what they’d put the kids from the cul-de-sac through. Before that though, Marie had spilled her true feelings about Double D. That was probably why her mom was giving her  _that_ look right then.

“Well, it’s quite nice that he remembered. So he asked what you were doing tonight?”

“Yup.”

“Think sock boy’s got his eyes on ya?” Lee asked.

“He definitely does,” May said. “Every day in the cafeteria, at least.”

Marie’s heart skipped a beat. “Shut up.”

“I’m not making it up! I’ve seen him do it! He even saw me catch him once. I waved.” Lee laughed.

“Sounds like someone might have an admirer,” Molly suggested.

“I doubt it,” Marie said, but her cheeks were cherry red.

* * *

She wished her mom hadn’t given her the card.

Everything had been fine before. Mom had gone down the hall, presumably to change her clothes, and came back with a couple of gift bags. Lee and May had gotten Marie something from each of them, too. She opened her gifts and that would’ve been that, until Molly gave her the annual card from her dad. Marie’s dad.

Robert “Bubba” Mackenzie had been sending birthday cards to Marie since the day she turned a year old. It was his way of staying in her life even if she never actually saw or spoke to him. He’d send her a card and that would be it for another year. Maybe he thought it was enough. Maybe he thought that’s all she deserved. Or maybe he didn’t think much about it. They weren’t even personalized. Every one was filled only with a printed message from the card designer or whatever they were and an added “Much Love,” at the end, written by her dad. Regardless, he always sent a card, and Marie supposed she could give him credit for at least remembering her birthday. That didn’t make it easy, though.

When Marie asked her mom why he didn’t visit, she’d say the door was open for him. When Marie asked her mom if she could call him, she’d say she lost his number. Marie sent him a few cards back when she was younger for his birthday, in which she at least once inquired about a phone number or a day he could visit. He declined, citing work as unpredictable and always busy.

It wouldn’t have been so bad if her sisters had similar situations. Lee’s dad was hardly more than a sperm donor, but his parents had insisted on being apart of her life. She got to see them every once in a while. Lee complained about how stuffy they could be, but it was obvious she liked hanging out with them. And while mom hadn’t meant for May’s dad to be anything more than a fling, the guy was actually pretty decent. Rod lived out of town but he made sure to spend a couple weekends every month with May.

Being the only one who didn’t really know her dad or his family made Marie feel lonely. She just knew she was getting looks of pity from her mom and sisters as she read the latest birthday card from her absent father.

The outside of the card had a photo of a turquoise birthday cake on it, with the words “Happy Birthday Sweet Daughter” printed over it. Inside, it read:

_May this be a year_

_that touches your heart_

_and makes lasting memories_

_right from the start._

_Much love,_

_Dad_

The tears threatened to come right then, so Marie spoke quickly.

“Thank you so much for everything. I just realized I have to use the bathroom really bad. Could you get the movie ready?”

She heard her mom say “sure thing” as Marie rose and made her way to the bathroom. As soon as she closed the door, she stifled a sob.

Her eyes burned as she wiped at them with her sleeves, faintly aware that she was messing up her makeup. She pulled a piece of toilet paper from the roll and blotted at her face. She saw a red-eyed, snotty mess in the reflection of the mirror.

Why hadn’t her dad ever made an effort to see her? She was almost a legal adult, and he hadn’t bothered to ever make an appearance, or even call her, and she’d definitely replied with their phone number more than once. If he hadn’t sent those cards all her life, she might’ve been able to forget about him entirely, but every card he sent was like a flag being waved in the distance that signaled he was there, except she could never reach him. It was excruciating. He wrote those three words at the end of every card but did he really mean them? How can someone consider themself a father when they’ve never gotten to know their kid?

Every question that weighed her down came rushing out of the floodgates. She sobbed as quietly as she could, but even with the fan going overhead, she feared they might hear her, and she couldn’t let her family feel worse for her than they already did.

Marie knew she didn’t have much more time before someone came knocking to use the toilet too. She ran a small towel under the faucet and pressed it to her eyes as she took a few breaths.

When she thought she looked like maybe she had only gotten something in both of her eyes and hadn’t been crying profusely, she opened the bathroom door. Marie found herself in a dark hallway. She walked to the end of it and saw the glow of candles on a cake set down on the coffee table.


	5. a safety net.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Eds arrive at the party. Marie tries to distract herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry it took me so long to update! I've had a really rocky few months. No promises on when the next chapter will be out, but it hopefully won't be too long this time.

Nazz opened the door.

“The party has arrived!” Eddy announced.

“Hey, guys!” Nazz greeted them with a bright smile. She wore a red dress that matched her signature red lipstick. “Welcome to my home! You guys know the drill by now. Leave your shoes by the door. There are snacks over on the coffee table and there’s pizza in the kitchen. Drinks are in the fridge. Help yourselves!”

It was true. Along with the occasional party, Nazz loved to host hang outs for the cul-de-sac kids. This included movie nights and pool parties since her parents had the pool put in, so all of them were pretty familiar with the rules in her house.

Nazz walked ahead while the boys took their shoes off. Once they did, the Eds followed into the living room. Eddy had insisted they show up fashionably late, so it seemed most of the guests had already arrived. Several of their classmates mingled about. Nazz had joined Kevin on the couch. Rolf and Jonny were playing beer pong on the dining table against some older boys. 

The Van Bartonschmeer home vaguely resembled a honeybee hive. The walls were painted a pale yellow and modern art hung on every wall. The couches were a honey yellow and the carpet nearly matched in shade. Somehow it was both dated and stylish. On an average day, the place was kept quite tidy, but the party had already resulted in some empty cups, used plates, and dirty napkins being left about.

Eddy eyed the snacks on the coffee table. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Ed rushed up beside him. “Licorice! One of my top ten movie watching candies! Thank you, Nazz!”

Nazz looked up from her conversation, quick to comprehension. “Of course, Ed!”

“You not hungry, Sockhead?” Eddy asked as he stuffed down a meatball.

“Oh, no, I’m alright at the moment. I’m still full from my meal earlier.” His parents had left him a frozen dinner. They were both out of the house for the night, father on a business trip and mother held up at the office. Double D spent a quiet afternoon watering his plants, eating chicken alfredo, and contemplating whether Marie would take him up on his offer to spend a day doing something, just the two of them. “I could use a drink, however. Excuse me.”

* * *

As soon as the credits started rolling, Mama Kanker let out a long, exaggerated yawn.

“Well, I am beat.” She turned to Marie. “Hey, do you mind if I go to bed a little early? This week kinda killed me.”

“Go for it, mom. I’ll probably just make Lee and May watch another movie with me before we hit the hay.”

“Thank you, hun. Oh,” she paused, sitting up. “But what about that party?”

“What about it?”

“Maybe you guys wanna go and check it out? It could be fun.”

From the armchair, Lee said “I’m down” through a mouthful of Doritos.

“Just as long as you are _ careful _and come home before the sun starts rising,” Mama Kanker said pointedly to Lee, especially.

Marie considered this. Maybe her mom was right. It could be a good way to take her mind off her self-pity so she might actually enjoy the rest of her birthday.

“Okay. May, what do you think?”

“Let’s take on the town!”

“Sounds like a plan.” Mama Kanker turned to Marie and kissed her forehead. “Happy birthday, my darling girl. Have a great time tonight. I love you so much.” She gave Lee and May kisses as well. “I love _ all _of you. Now you better look out for each other. Stay safe. Oh, and do me a favor and wash the dishes before you go.”

* * *

“Are you sure you’re okay, Marie?” asked Lee.

Marie was about to knock on the door when Lee had spoken up again. She’d already asked twice on the walk there, and it was beginning to get under Marie’s skin. She just wanted to forget about before.

“I know I keep asking, but I want you to tell the truth before we walk into a house full of people you don’t wanna have a breakdown in front of.”

“I’m not gonna have a breakdown, Lee. I’m fine.”

“Then why were you so quiet during the movie?” May asked. “You usually laugh more.”

“And you’re a talker.”

“But you barely said five words.”

Marie looked away from them. “It’s nothing. It doesn’t matter.”

“It does matter,” May said as she took a step closer, placing a hand on Marie’s arm. “What’s going on?”

Tears threatened to come again. Marie let them fall.

“I just… I get a card every year from him. Every year, without fail, he tells me that he loves me but not once has he ever made the effort to actually show it. He’s never even met me. He’s never tried. Am I not worth it for him? Why won’t he come here, or let me visit him? I just… all I want is answers and I feel like I’ll never get them.”

Marie saw even beneath her thick, curly red bangs, that Lee had knit her brows together hard. “I had a feeling that might be it.”

“Oh, Marie.” May enveloped her in a hug.

“Marie… I don’t know why your dad ain’t ever tried to meet you, but he’s a fool for it.” Marie looked at Lee. “You don’t deserve to be treated like that, especially by someone who would pretend to care more than he really does. And worth it? Marie, you’re worth a million of him. Don’t you ever doubt it. He’s a coward for not facing you. Same as mine.”

Marie looked at Lee then, realizing how similar their pain might actually be. She let go of May. “Thank you, Lee.”

“No problem. I’m always here to remind you.”

“We both are,” May smiled.

Marie sniffled.

“Thanks.” She took a deep breath. “I feel a little better. I love you guys.”

May went in for another hug.

“We love you, too,” said the youngest.

Marie buried her face in May's shoulder, but she felt Lee wrap her arms around them.

“Yeah. We do.”

They stood, wrapped around each other, a safety net ready to catch whichever one of them was falling. For a moment, Marie wasn’t the only one holding her pain.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave kudos, comment, let me know what you think!


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